Free Writing #3


i like to analyze my therapist
shoot the shit
with my proctologist

it’s all fun and games
till Oedipus pokes
his eyes out

there’s nothing
these days
you can’t say
on television

why won’t God answer
my texts?


i like to eat my nutritionist
wash the feet of my podiatrist
it’s all fun and games
till Dionysus passes out

my inner child lives
in his mother’s

i always use
proper grammar
on Twitter

my guardian
angel has
chronic fatigue


i develop selfies
in dark rooms alone

nothing lasts forever
in my experience

we no longer honor
expired coupons

is this a public
or shared computer?


whoever shaves my barber
must be careful
not to cut

i can’t take a moment
to review my
recent purchase

all the good guys
are gay or not
on Tinder

i always use
a filter
in dark rooms

c b snoad


Free Writing #2

all the women i love
have a hard-on
for the other guy

all the women i love
undress me
with their sighs

all the women i love
are secure
in my manhood

politically direct
anatomically erect
i long to be the

action figure of her
socially constructed
gender role

a pebble
in the flip-flop
of her undertow

all the women i love
bust the balls
of mama’s boys

all the women i love
prefer dumb

all the women i love
inherit the welts
of 12 step fathers

swipe left
swipe right
i long to be

the blind date
she stands up
humble servant

of a mistress
refusing to
untie the knot

if you liked it
then you should’ve
put a finger on it

if you liked it
then you should’ve
put a finger on it

if you feel the love
you still can’t
put a finger on it

c b snoad

Free Writing #1

with bernie
i forget my cares
in a senior moment
kind of way

i hesitate to ask
the checkout girl
if she found everything okay

here let me help you
get off with that
the brim of my hat
the grin of a cat
don’t eat where you shat

love is the only thing to fear
as we backpack through europe
in the wetlands
of her thigh gap year

we’re up and coming
porno stars
our tubes are tied
sex roles rehearsed

measure for measure
i’m the little guy
adam in reverse
ribbed for her pleasure

i put my hand upon
your hip
when i drip
you drip
we sip

body double
negative thoughts
wet my bristle
lick my lisp

i’m in touch with my
feminine bride
the look on her face
when i tickled her
pretty in pink
on the inside

the checkout girl
in customer service
charges her therapist
with counter

goals for today
eat drink music
sports section
come (undone)
count my money
before the stealing’s done

c b snoad