What I Do For A Living

I help hoarders find Jesus.

I’m a tree surgeon looking to branch out.

I’m a Charlie Brown impersonator. Call me Chuck.

I’m a good grief counselor. I charge five cents.

I import exporters.

I encourage mimes to speak their minds.

I make magicians disappear.

I tell jokes on TV. I keep it clean. I swear.

I’m a bad plumber but a great lover. My wife is always wet.

I’m a hoarse whisperer.

I inspect library books for double meanings and cross them out.

I count census workers.

I sell luxury clown cars. Draw blood. Pound sand. Raise cranes.

I’m a stay-at-home cad.

I greet Walmart customers in my Target uniform and say welcome to Kohl’s.

I’m an unforeseen event planner.

I cry Wolf Blitzer and shout fake news.

I’m a poet. The pay sucks. I sing the blues.

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