Tag Archives: love

Universe All

Universe All

your mind is a universe all
to itself
a vast ineffable
bundle of stars

incandescent thoughts
illuminate the moons
of your imagination

you wonder if
Newton floated
the idea of gravity
to keep the masses down

I remind you
love is not a theory
or practice exercise

let me kiss you
in the suburbs of our youth
like no one’s home
to catch us with
our hormones exposed

I remember the sweet spot
on your scientific blue jeans
your homeroom Shakespeare
algebra blue jeans
the flip flops dangling
from the honor roll
of your extracurricular blue jeans

I remember how
to trace your curves
to hold your life
for a moment in mine

love is not a theory
or practice exercise

c b snoad
draft 2-17-03
edit 1-24-17

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Just The Tip

Just the Tip

Fucking is easy
As free verse
She says
Try falling in love

Mouths aren’t lips
I’ve read

Just the tip
Of a tongue

She’s all diaphragm
Swallows nesting
In an iron lung

Other than words
I repeat
Nothing rhymes
With love

c b snoad


Filed under Poetry

Refractory Period

one day i fantasize
all women will liberate me
one day i fantasize
all mothers will infantilize me

i can’t get off
without my fetish
i can’t get off
without a tease

i can’t get off
without permission
i can’t get off
without you looking away

we’re all confused in our teens
spreading our jeans
we’re all wet in our dreams
a puddle or stream

one day i fantasize
all women will fat shame me
one day i fantasize
all women will objectify me

we’re all coming apart
at the seams
recovering youth
lost in our teens

i can’t get off
without America Online
i can’t get off
without the NSA

i can’t get off
without thinking of you
i can’t get off
without falling in love

i can’t get off
without falling in love
i can’t get off
without falling in love

c b snoad

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free writing #2

all the women i love
have a hard-on
for the other guy

all the women i love
undress me
with their sighs

all the women i love
are secure
in my manhood

politically direct
anatomically erect
i long to be the

action figure of her
socially constructed
gender role

a pebble
in the flip-flop
of her undertow

all the women i love
bust the balls
of mama’s boys

all the women i love
prefer dumb

all the women i love
inherit the welts
of 12 step fathers

swipe left
swipe right
i long to be

the blind date
she stands up
humble servant

of a mistress
refusing to
untie the knot

if you liked it
then you should’ve
put a finger on it

if you liked it
then you should’ve
put a finger on it

if you feel the love
you still can’t
put a finger on it

c b snoad

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Love And Marriage

In a few days my first love is marrying a man who isn’t me. I wished her a wonderful time and told her to remind her soon-to-be-husband how lucky he is.

This doesn’t mean I’m free of regret. I met my ex in high school and we dated ten years. Life, as it often does, “happened” and we slowly grew apart, but against the odds remained friends.

We almost tied the knot in high school—in a marriage and family class, for credit only. We had a chance to play house and raise a ten-pound bag of flour. I got sick and changed schools to avoid seeing a classmate who hurt me emotionally and physically. He’s got a family of his own now—funny how the universe works.

I used to watch from the window as my ex walked to the bus stop, wishing I were there beside her. When I think today about a life for us that never happened, a tremendous sorrow fills my soul. Then I look again, through a different window. I’m happy she’s found love, because she has loved me.


Filed under Life

Hot Pursuit

In grade school I used to chase girls on the playground. The cute ones. The ones that drove me crazy. Sometimes girls chased me. We were children caught up in a game no one understood. But we liked it.

It feels like I’m working with a child’s concept of romance. Often I push too hard for the attention of a woman I like. Rather than allowing the game to naturally unfold, I shout, “Okay, I’m here and I’m going to chase you now,” telegraphing my every move. And when the game doesn’t go as planned I assume I’ve played it wrong from the start.

My culture dictates that the Boy “go after” the Girl. I get that. But at 34 I’m starting to wonder what being chased might look like. Maybe I should play it cool. Maybe she’ll come after me.

At any rate, I’m tired. Recess ended twenty-five years ago. And I’m out here all alone.


Filed under Life

The Other Me

I’ve enjoyed the new series The Affair on Showtime the last few weeks. A married man named Noah meets a married woman named Alison, they fall for each other, someone connected to them dies (is murdered?) and they’re each being questioned by police at some point (years?) after the summer they met.

In episode 2 Noah introduces an intriguing concept. He’s speaking to Alison about his favorite physics theory from college. If you could go back to one point in your life and make a different choice, and you did, how might this alter the life you currently lead?

We’ve encountered such thoughts on this blog before. But Noah adds a twist: What if there’s a parallel world in which another version of you exists, the one who made a different choice at a crucial moment? What if there’s an Other Me on another Earth living his life (mine?) in a different way?

Of course Noah says this in the context of his budding relationship with Alison. He’s trying to picture one world in which he meets his wife in college, marries her right after graduation, and they build a life with their four kids (his “actual” life right now). But he’s tempted by the thought of leaving all that behind for Alison. Can both desires—one for family, the other for a fling—exist simultaneously?

I’m fascinated with the intricacies of choice-making. Our freedom to choose—whether it be from what to eat for lunch or what profession to pursue—is empowering, but it also exposes our vulnerabilities. On the edge of a cliff, one false step means disaster, one right move and you’re still on your feet.

As always, I’m left with a series of questions. What choices would I change if I could? Shouldn’t I simply accept every choice I’ve made? I’m always hearing how I have only this life and nothing more, and yet I find myself choosing to write about parallel worlds and other lives I might have led.

Wherever I end up, there will be moments of suffering and moments of joy. If he’s out there, does the Other Me think the same way? Does he wonder how my life is going?

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Filed under Life, Philosophy